Book your Mexican getaway at 202-224-5922 and tell them the Lincoln project sent you.

– [Narrator] Wanna get away
from freak winter storms

and busted water pipes?

Tired of collecting your drinking
water from a public spigot

or waiting in a grocery line for days?

Is boiling getting you down?

Then say adios and hop a flight to Mexico

where the sand is hot, the sun is shining,

and the margaritas are flowing.

Call 202-224-5922,

that’s 202-224-5922,

and book your escape from
the modern day hellscape

that is the Great State of Texas.

Included in your once
in a lifetime package,

Lone Star masks, COVID tests,

and heck, we’ll let you
skip the vaccination line

’cause waiting is for losers.

Your heat isn’t coming
back on anytime soon,

so come on down and tan away.

It’s fiesta time. Ole.

Let them eat tacos.

And hey, act now and your wife flies free.

Her friends will never talk to her again.

Book now and we’ll upgrade
you to business class

on your return flight home,

and we’ll throw in free Bloody Marias

and a blanket to hide your
shameful, treasonous face.

We’ll also throw in a police escort

accompanied with a real life mariachi band

to take you to your mea culpa,

bad judgment, rolling up my sleeves

to do the work I was
avoiding press conference.

That’s 202-224-5922,

and tell them The
Lincoln Project sent you.

(water gurgling)

– [Announcer] Warning,
all tickets are one way

and non-transferable.

Distribution of tickets
contingent on written assurances

of intent to stay in Mexico forever.

Seat assignments are selected
at the time of travel

and are not subject to
change unless requested

by passengers with
conditions that prevent them

from being in the vicinity of Ted Cruz,

which includes but is not limited to,

pregnant women, the
elderly, or Heidi Cruz.

Prolonged access to Ted
Cruz may cause depression,

paranoia, disgust, cringing,
and, in some cases, cowardice.

Acceptance of this ticket
transfers all responsibility

of the location of Ted
Cruz to the Texas GOP,

the Republican National Committee,

and Senator Mitch McConnell.

It is incumbent upon those parties

to ensure appropriate masks

are distributed directly to Ted Cruz.

Masks must be sufficient to
cover Ted Cruz’s entire head

and inhibit his ability to communicate

or endanger fellow
passengers by exposing them

to these stated risks.

– [Announcer] The Lincoln Project

is responsible for the
content of this advertising.